German Government Wants Access To Google Algorithm

Google has been pressured to give up its Google search algorithms so the German government can get a better hold of the whole competition.

In this video, Andrew Radics and Ian Hopkinson discuss how Google may be forced to give up some of their secret sauce.

 

Transcript:

Ian: Google’s Search Algorithm Should Be Released to the German Government Video! Of course it should! That makes total sense Germany.

Andrew: To the German government, to the American government, to the Australian government, the Finnish government…

Ian: The Phoenix government?

Andrew: …The Phoenix government. Every government why not?!

Ian: Just tell us the algorithm around man!

Andrew: Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to put your foot on the chair?

Ian: Actually she did! In fact she’d be turning in her grave right now if she was dead… But luckily you’re alive, hi mum!

Andrew: Well that’s a way to insult your mother if she watches these.

Ian: Well my mum is in another city and she misses me. She’d be quite happy to have me around even if I did have my seat on the couch.

Andrew: *Laughing* I hope you’ve got your seat on the couch.

Ian: I said feet on the couch…

Andrew: You said seat on the couch!

Ian: Oh goodness me what is this video about?

Andrew: I’ve lost track.

Ian: I’ll have to read the transcript.

Andrew: It’s become about your mother telling you things. Let’s go, let’s go.

Ian: Thank you to search engine once again, trusted source, loving your work. I cannot believe the Mr Maas, who is the German Justice Minister, has asked Google to give up it’s search algorithm so that we can get a better hold on the whole competition and monopoly question. Yessssss.

Andrew: So they’re asking Google to give up their secret source?

Ian: Pretty much. That’d be like In-N-Out Burger releasing their secret recipe for their perfect… actually that’s a very…

Andrew: What burger?

Ian: In-N-Out Burger?! Have you not been to In-N-Out Burger?

Andrew: What the hell is In-N-Out Burger?

Ian: It’s a fast food restaurant in the U.S it’s awesome. …Have you even lived? You have not lived.

Andrew: What’s so special about an In-N-Out Burger compared to a Big Mac or something?

Ian: Hold on this is a whole other hangout…

Andrew: You keep saying that but we never do a whole other hangout about the stuff you talk about!

Ian: I know we’re going to have to do a whole other hangout of all the other hangouts we haven’t done.

Andrew: Exactly. Anyway getting back to it…

Ian: Anyway burgers are awesome, there’s a sauce in them it’s awesome. The company’s never ever going to give the recipe away because it’s their IP man.

Andrew:  Like KFC…

Ian: It’s their competitive edge. Why is Google the worlds leading search engine? 95% of the worlds market share?

Andrew: Because they’ve got the best secret source.

Ian: Exactly.

Andrew: Thought so.

Ian: So…

Andrew: That’s stupid it’s a stupid request.The problem is that if Google gives away their algorithm of how they rank sites then can you imagine!? The spammers will get a hold of it. Dare I say it, these spammy internet marketers will get their hands on it and you are going to see nothing but crap junk sites at the top of the search engines when you’re looking for something.

Ian: That’s it.

Andrew: That’s what will happen. Forget this transparency rubbish and as the article actually says, other countries have challenged Google on this and the other countries have found no fault with Google in the way that they rank sites. They aren’t showing favouritism to any particular company or their own assets and all this sort of stuff. It’s a load of codswallop… It’s a load of bull-…

Ian: Dust.

Andrew: Yeah.

Ian: Google… and I quote in response to all of this codswallop, “this question has been scrutinised for a total of 8 years in the U.S and in Europe…” and I can hear the destain in their voices going for god sake will you stop! …”and regulators have found that we don’t use our algorithms to target competitors” said a spokesperson. Making our algorithms available for everyone to see sounds simple but would let spam and sites with malware with low quality websites game our system, which hurts our users. What did I skip? Which hurts our users?

Andrew: No the word starting with H?

Ian: Hurts?

Andrew: Nooo.

Ian: I can’t see a H word in there i’ve missed.

Andrew: Horary, hoary, something about hoary.

Ian: Oh it was hoary I forgot about the hoary part. In a statement sent today, Google said that this is a hoary issue that has been chewed over for the best part of a decade.

Andrew: I don’t know what do they mean by that?

Ian: This hoary word is obviously a word that’s not used very often as it could have other connotations or bring up other…

Andrew: Yeah or is it haygory?

Ian: H.O.A.R.Y.

Andrew: Hayory?

Ian: Is it hayory?

Andrew: I’ve never heard of it.

Ian: I suppose if it was hoary it would be W.H.O.R.Y or something wouldn’t it? or R.E.Y? Would it?

Andrew: I don’t know.

Ian: I don’t know. We’ll cover that in another hangout.

Andrew: Another hangout where we talk about whory.

Ian: Another hangout! Anyway the point is that this is a ridiculous request and doesn’t really start and end with the German government. It’s something that we’ve been talking about for weeks now, or even months now. The old-school way of thinking of trying to regulate a business that users the internet is useless. We’re not living in that age anymore.

Andrew: So give it up, give it up we tell you.

Ian: Gosh.

Andrew: I know it’s just unbelievable. I mean all this european stuff about trying to silence Google or you know delete your past history…

Ian: Yeah the Google forgot thing…

Andrew: That’s backfiring big time now and it’s just…

Ian: I can’t even believe that was brought in as a law quite frankly…

Andrew: Yeah.

Ian: The ironic thing is if Google wants to give away their algorithm it would be the equivalent of coming up with the law like Google Forget and then telling people where the loopwhores are in that law.

Andrew: Where the what are?

Ian: I think I said loopwhores but I meant loopholes okay!! For god sakes it the whorey thing again.

Andrew: What’ve you been drinking?

Ian: Nothing… coffee man.

Andrew: There’s nothing here so…

Ian: Coffee’s done but there’s no baileys around here. I just get tired of this archaic way of thinking.  This approach, this mindset, it doesn’t work anymore. Get with the program people.You should sit down with Google and learn something from them. Now i’m going to have the German Justice Department after me.

Andrew: Who isn’t after us?

Ian: Get in line. Get in line with all the people who are offended by us trying to sue us.

Andrew: They should be suing you because you’re the one that is saying half the stuff. I reckon i’m in trouble.

Ian: I reckon my mum is going to try and sue me after this one.

Andrew: She’s going to call you man, she’s going to call you.

Ian: Ah dear. Problems, queries, worries, speak to our legal department.

Andrew: Which is him!

Ian: Which is me! Oh that’s a worry.

Andrew: Yes it is.

Ian: I’m creating a rod for my own back.

Andrew: We may as well close shop. We’re going to lose everything.

Ian: Now that’s a bit harsh.

Andrew: No seriously we do okay, we do okay.

Ian: Yes well lucky I was smart enough not to go into practising law and I went into digital instead. That’s a bit of a worry. Alright see you later guys. Hi Germany, love your work.

Andrew: Bye.

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